Once upon a time, I tried really really hard to make a special cake for a special person. This is pretty much how it went down.
How to make a Fail Cake
- Don’t read the recipe.
- Mix in extra things because you want to be creative and exciting.
- Underbake, then return cake to oven, increase heat, and overbake.
- Fill and stack cake layers while cake is warm.
- Watch cake lean like the Tower of Pisa while you try to decorate it.
- Get lots of crumbs in the frosting.
- Realize there’s not enough frosting.
- Try to make up for lack of frosting by adding jelly beans.
- Arrange jelly beans to make an attractive flower, then take a step back and realize it looks like Willy Wonka threw up on your cake.
Company has arrived and it’s time to bring out the glorious cake!
What are you gonna do?
A. Serve it with pride and a stiff cocktail.
B. Dump it in the trash, then hide and have a nice long cry.
C: Frame the dog.
How to frame the dog:
- Place Fail Cake on the floor, call the dog and quietly encourage him to eat the cake (even if you have to frost it with dog food).
- Appear in front of guests with expression of utter disbelief and exclaim “Oh no! My beautiful cake!” while gesturing at the unwittingly guilty dog.
- Serve storebought cookies once you’re off the hook.
NOTE: This option seldom works with cats, but might work with a small child or husband if a dog is unavailable.